


Navid

by Winter Waters (mystmae)



Category: Original Works
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 07:42:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17039615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystmae/pseuds/Winter%20Waters





	Navid

Navid,

I had a dream about you again. It hurts so much to think about you, to see you in my dreams and waking up to know you aren’t really here. It’s like losing you again every single time. You would think that after ten years the pain would lessen, but I only feel like it’s suffocating me more. Everytime someone ask me if I am okay, I smile and say I’m fine. But on the inside I’m screaming. Screaming for someone to know that I’m not, but it’s like my mind and body are working against each other. For every tear I want to let out, I laugh. For every emotion that overwhelms me, my face only reacts with a smile. I wonder now, if this is what you felt before you left? How many signs did I see but didn’t realize that this was you asking for help? How many times did I let you down? It scares me, wondering if I’m following in your path, but every time I dream of you, it feels like my soul dies more.

Your anniversary and birthday are only months away, and my birthday is coming up. I wonder, what our life would have been like? Would we have beaten the odds and still been married today? Would we have kids that would have driven me insane because they would have been like you? Lively and so warm. Or would we have lost ourselves to our society? Would we have remained friends? Or we would just each other go? Every time I dream of you, it’s always different. It’s like my brain can’t stop imagining what our life together would have been like.

I’m writing again, and it helps some, but since you started showing up in my dreams, I can’t concentrate. I sit down with my notebook and pencil and the only thing i can think of is your smile. After all these years, your smile is one of the only things I’m willing to remember clearly. Your smile is still one of my favorite things.

I haven’t read your letter that you left me. I told my friends that I threw it away, but I didn’t. It sit there on top of my writing desk. Maybe that makes me a coward, not reading it, but I’m not brave enough to want your last words to me to change. We left each with goodbyes and the hope for the future. I think it’ll destroy me if it changed to something else. As of right now, I’m hanging on, trying to breathe through the emotion that is smothering my lungs. I hated you at first, after you left. You took my hope with you and didn’t give it back. I was so angry for years, I thought that anger was better than tears. The thing is though, I still can’t cry. I want to, I beg myself too, but they won’t come.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this on here. I have friends who I could talk to, but it’ll be like putting this burden on them. I can’t ask them to shoulder my pain, they have their own lives to live. I guess, if anyone reads this, they’ll know that they aren’t alone. I’m not alone. I miss you, Navid, I really do. I just wish I didn’t see you in my dreams anymore.

I love you and i always will,

Winter


End file.
